


when we're sober, will you remember tonight?

by orphan_account



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Porn with Feelings, im bad with tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-03-30 19:02:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13957983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “If it’s worth nothing, then why don’t you just say it? Nothing to lose, right?” Kanda said, deciding now to flip over part way, head still tilted up but arm resting under his head, looking intently at Lavi. “Just spit it out.”





	when we're sober, will you remember tonight?

Finishing a hard mission always leaves one a little worse for wear. Everyone copes with that differently. Some people relax. Some just sleep. Others drink. The latter of which being a terrible and awful idea, but was the predicament Lavi and Kanda found themselves in not long after they returned back to the inn they were meant to stay at.

Kanda, for one, made a habit of drinking after every mission. It took a lot for him to get drunk, but he never got hit with a hangover, so it was fine by him. Today was no exception. He stopped by the bar, downing vodka and tequila shots, grimacing as the bitter taste hit his tongue and burned its way down his throat. Lavi decided to join him this time, nursing a glass of whiskey.

They both knew this was a horrible idea, Kanda almost never got drunk while he was out on missions with other exorcists, and he never did drink with others. He always drank alone, so this was a first. Lavi, of all people, deciding to drink with him, though, came as an unexpected shock.

“I didn’t think Bookmen drank,” Kanda mumbled offhandedly. He took another shot.

“Of course we do. We just don’t get drunk,” Lavi said matter-of-factly. Kanda gave a little nod, taking yet another shot. “Seems like that’s your goal tonight, though.”

Kanda gave a short laugh. 

“Naturally. I don’t drink if I’m not going to get drunk.” Lavi laughed a bit in return.

Bookmen don’t get drunk. Yeah, sure. We’ll see.   
  


* * *

 

2 hours and  _ many _ drinks later, they were both hanging off of each other, up the stairs to their own room, looking like absolute messes. The door took some work, each of them trying to get it open, and failing several times before finally the door was opened, swinging open and slamming into the wall, rebounding back to bang Lavi on the shoulder, causing a chain reaction that led to them falling at the door frame.

“Get off me, rabbit,” Kanda grumbled, shoving him off and forcing him to faceplant into the floor. Kanda got up relatively swiftly, a bit too fast, feeling a bit lightheaded and needing to lean on the door frame for a second. While he waited for what little semblance of balance he had to return, he watched Lavi struggle to get up. He did absolutely nothing to help, but kept staring.

Lavi turned around to face him after he’d gotten up. An expression of mock-offense coming onto his features. “Y’know, Yuu, instead of ogling me you could’ve helped me stand up,” he said, a small smirk coming up.

Kanda scoffed and then shrugged, getting off the door frame and moving toward the more stable bed. “Couldn’t be helped. Not my responsibility.”

Lavi groaned, making his way to the bed as well, collapsing onto it only to hit his head on the headboard, Kanda genuinely laughing for a few short seconds as Lavi let out a loud whine before they finally settled, cuddling-but-not-really. Kanda’s head on Lavi’s chest, hair (which had come undone at some undefined time in the night) splayed out over the taller man’s body, laying on his back, looking up toward the ceiling, thinking to himself. The pleasant, comfortable silence lasted for, naturally, a solid thirty seconds before Lavi broke it.

“Y’know…” Lavi started before instantly clamming up, shaking his head. To which Kanda looked up, not yet intrigued enough to fully turn around, but forcing his head back as much as his neck would allow, causing him to see the man upside down.

“Come on, what? You can’t just leave me hanging like that,” Kanda said, admittedly a little curious.

Lavi shook his head again, and began toying with the ends of Kanda’s hair, looping them around his fingers, an action which Kanda surprisingly didn’t bite his head off for, but he accounted that to the fact that they were both  _ completely _ smashed. 

“Just that it’s nice. Having you here,” Lavi said, unabashedly. Alcohol did  _ wonders _ for confidence, it was a truth serum in its own right, to be sure. Lavi had been trained to take many different kinds of truth serums in his time, to be able to resist them, though inebriation was a different kind of beast. Thoughts that he never wanted to share in any capacity, things he wanted to do, he felt like he wanted to pour his heart out to Yuu, right here, right now, all logic and reasoning turned off. He pressed his mouth shut tight, afraid of what might come out should he open it again.

Kanda’s eyebrows knitted in confusion, an almost innocent look in his dark eyes. “What do you mean?”

Lavi laughed a little nervously, waving his hand around, trying to dismiss the whole situation. “Don’t worry about it, Yuu, I’m drunk. Nothing I say’s gonna be worth anything.”

“If it’s worth nothing, then why don’t you just say it? Nothing to lose, right?” Kanda said, deciding now to flip over part way, head still tilted up but arm resting under his head, looking intently at Lavi. “Just spit it out.”

The way Kanda looked at Lavi made his heart stop for a moment, the way he made it feel like they were the only two people in the world, the way such raw and real reactions poured of of his eyes like wind through wide open windows, it got to him. He wanted to touch Kanda, touch his face, touch his  _ anything _ , but even a drunk Kanda was still a dangerous one.

Lavi looked away, Kanda’s gaze a little too intense for him. He laughed nervously again before he heard a sigh and felt Kanda shuffle. He went to look down at Kanda, but was too late as Kanda had flipped entirely onto his stomach, hand around his jaw to make Lavi’s eyes stay on him. Lavi let out a little noise at being manhandled as he was, but it wasn’t anything he wasn’t used to.

“Wh-”

“Lavi,” Kanda started, sighing and closing his eyes for a second before opening them back up. “I swear to god, if you don’t tell me, I  _ will _ beat your ass.”

Kanda using Lavi’s actual name stopped his heart once again, his breath pausing, just staring at the man in front of him in all his wonder. God, he’d been so many places, he’d seen so many gorgeous people, but Kanda really did put them all to shame. As controlled and disciplined as he was as a Bookman apprentice, he still couldn’t stop the way his heart skipped when he saw Yuu. The way his chest got so warm, it was an addicting feeling, in a way. God, he had it  _ bad _ , and for all his skill with words, he couldn’t think of a single way to string them together that would do him justice.

“I like you. A whole hell of a lot. You’re- god you’re  _ so _ \- I’m too drunk for this shit, Yuu,  _ please  _ don’t make me do this.”

The smallest hints of a smile started creeping up Kanda’s face before he hid it in Lavi’s chest, the man shaking from obvious laughter. Lavi didn’t know what to think, internally panicking for a second before Yuu moved his head back onto his chest, right over Lavi’s heart, listening to the heartbeat there for a little while, a small smile on his face that made Lavi melt despite his panic.

“You know, for a Bookman, that wasn’t very eloquent,” Kanda said, smile still present, though not meeting Lavi’s eyes. “I was fully expecting you to sweep me off my feet, wax poetic, all that bullshit.”

“Need I remind you, I’m  _ drunk _ , Yuu,” Lavi said in a lame attempt to defend himself. Kanda laughed again.

“Being drunk doesn’t affect shit. Watch this,” Kanda immediately leaned forward, pressing his lips sloppily to Lavi’s. It was so obviously a drunk kiss, so painfully sloppy that Lavi was too shellshocked to do much else aside from lay there, eyes wide, wondering why the hell he was doing this. Kanda was biting, licking, doing so much and Lavi didn’t know what to do with it. It was a whole lot all at once, it was almost sensory overload. There was a lot of  _ passion _ in it, Yuu’s hand still on his face, other hand on his waist and hair still covering him. He didn’t even realize he was still playing with Yuu’s hair. Lavi closed his eyes and melted for a second, before Kanda finally backed away, breathing noticeably a little more labored.

“Okay, so…  _ maybe _ it does,” Kanda said, a little bit bashful, “but I doubt you could do better.”

Lavi smiled, and for the first time since they entered the room, it was one of confidence.

“Is that a challenge?”

Kanda displayed a devious little smirk, seemingly self-satisfied.

“It’s whatever the hell you want it t-”

Lavi didn’t even hesitate, immediately flipping onto Yuu, throwing him down onto the mattress, head down by the foot of the bed. Lavi’s legs were on either side of Yuu. He did the exact same thing Kanda did to him earlier, the kiss so outrageously desperate it was as though they needed it to survive. Kanda’s arms wrapped around Lavi’s neck, his arms forcing the man down more, grip strong and firm. It was so sloppy, so feverish, but they couldn’t slow down, wouldn’t. They were grappling at each other, desperately trying to find purchase, afraid that if either one let go the opportunity would slip away forever, and the other would vanish.

Lavi’s hands slid their way up Kanda’s body, firm and quick. Going from the waist up, to grab at his hair, tugging at it, causing them to separate for a split second as his head was tilted backwards, mouth open wide, back arched slightly to accommodate how much his neck had been tilted, and Lavi helped himself once again, tugging and scratching at Kanda’s hair all the while.

They kept going at it, emboldened, feeling each other through cloth,, trying to get a feel for every detail of each others bodies through shirts and jackets and pants. Lavi was the first to try to remove some clothes, and he went for Kanda’s shirt first, exorcist coats having been removed a long time ago. When the shirt was off Lavi took a good look at the flushed skin beneath, breathless.

“God,” Lavi said, feeling Kanda’s stomach, hand slowly travelling up to trace his tattoo lightly, causing his breath to hitch. “You’re fucking beautiful, you know that?”

Kanda smiled a little, blushing, almost looking like a young boy trying to talk to a crush, but immediately schooling his expression.

“Just get down here and kiss me, you idiot,” Kanda said, grabbing Lavi by the shirt, not only to bring him down but to try to get the damn thing  _ off _ of him. Not wanting to break the kiss, but wanting to get the shirt of, he went with the only logical option: he tore the shirt open and ripped the remains off Lavi’s shoulders. Lavi tried to break the kiss, to scold him, probably, but Kanda wasn’t having it, fisting his hands in Lavi’s hair and pressing him as physically close as he could possibly get.

After some time holding onto this kiss, Lavi’s hands roamed further down, missing what needed to be touched, but pressing into his inner thighs, going up and down them, causing Kanda to shiver a little. Opening his mouth wide in a gasp, eyes half-lidded and dark, staring at Lavi like he was the only person on earth. Being in the spotlight like this, god, it was overwhelming, it made him shiver in return, looking down and taking a deep breath.

“You know, you really didn’t have to tear my shirt up, it would’ve taken two seconds to take it off. You couldn’t have gone that long?” Lavi said, voice shaking and deep, but he still had a smirk still on his face. “Patience is a virtue.”

“And I’ve never been virtuous in my life,” Kanda says, reaching down to palm Lavi’s dick. Lavi lets out a loud gasp, and shivers again, looking down at Kanda, desperate. “And there’s no reason that would change now, so let’s hurry this along,” he says, moving his hand, and Lavi drops his head down into the crook of Kanda’s neck, hair moving and skin becoming damp with every pant.

“Yuu…” Lavi said, voice shaking slightly. They were both so incredibly desperate, both so desperately needed this. There would be time for soft and romantic later, maybe, but for now they kept going. Palming each other too quick, Lavi moved up, and they were practically panting into each other’s mouths. It was so sloppy, so unclean, something so ill-befitting the almost childlike, chaste confession from earlier.

But when would another chance like this come up? It was unclear. That’s why it had to be like this, this was forbidden, they could end up being apart from each other forever, they both knew. The desperation, they had each convinced themselves in their own way, was a necessity.

For a while, they did this, just kept it going. Lavi mustered all of his energy to stop, trying his best to make this experience worthwhile, not just some quick, dirty one night stand. This was  _ Yuu Kanda _ . He deserved to feel special, to feel good, and not just for a few fleeting minutes. He’d be damned if he let it end that way. He pulled his hands away, and put a hand on Kanda’s wrist.

“W-wait. Please. We can’t-”

“What, you want to stop? After we’ve gotten this far? Are you serious?” Kanda looked incredulous, and slightly hurt, but seemed fully ready to stop if Lavi wanted to. Despite everything… Kanda could be sweet sometimes.  _ Sometimes _ …

“ _ If you’d let me finish _ ,” Lavi said, playfully rolling his eyes. “I was  _ saying _ we should make this count if we’re to do it. I… don’t want this to be some lousy one night stand. You’re- uh… special. I guess.”

Kanda’s eyes widened, his mouth going into an “o” shape. His blush got a little deeper, and he looked away for a second, almost embarrassed.

“...Don’t get all fucking sappy right in the middle of this.”

Lavi laughed a little, a genuine laugh.

In the end, they both decided to just flat out strip, the clothes disappearing quickly, and the kissing resuming as they explored each others bodies, undeterred by clothes now. They felt each other, almost reverently. There was a sort of… innocence to what they were doing, chaste exploration, pure appreciation for one another.

In the end, Kanda’s impatience won out again.

“Lavi, as good as this is, I  _ really _ need you to fuck me right now,” Kanda said, somewhat breathlessly, looking him directly in the eye. “ _ Please _ .”

Lavi’s heart shuddered for probably the thousandth time that night, digging his nails into where they’d stopped at Kanda’s hips.

“Well, when you ask like that, how can I refuse?” Lavi said, voice cracking and raspy, raw. “Just… hold on for a sec,” Lavi said, going to get something from his suitcase.

“You really keep that shit on you all the time?” Kanda said, slightly shocked. Lavi nodded.

“Of course. You never know when it’ll come in handy,” Lavi said, walking back to bed with a wink, at which Kanda rolled his eyes a little bit.

“You’re insufferable. Hurry and do what you need to do,” Kanda said, his frustration and desperation seeping through into his voice. It made Lavi shiver as he slicked up his fingers, putting one inside Kanda immediately.

He groaned at the initial discomfort, not at all unaccustomed to it, and started fidgeting around to get comfortable as Lavi pumped, putting in a second finger later down the line when Kanda seemed to have grown more accustomed to it. It was a slow process, but precautions worth taking. More of Kanda’s groans came out, albeit softer, and Lavi felt every one of them, almost making him shiver every time.  _ Everything _ Kanda did was irresistible in it’s own way.

Then came a third, and Kanda squirmed around some more, panting some as well. He brought his hand up to Lavi’s cheek, thumb caressing the cheek in a gesture that could only be described as gentle, and Lavi closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling, and of Kanda gently bringing him down for a kiss, much gentler than what they’ve been doing. It could almost be love.

In the process of kissing, Lavi took his fingers out, quickly trying to put the condom on one-handed, as well as slicking himself. Once he was ready, Lavi broke the kiss, looking down towards Kanda, both of their faces red, both panting harshly, both wanting to be closer to the other than they reasonably could be. Pure desperation.

“You ready?” Lavi asked, just to be on the safe side. To which Kanda rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to ask. I told you already, didn’t I?  _ Fuck _ me.  _ Fuck my brains out _ . Is that what you want to hear?” Kanda said, his voice raspy, raw. Lavi tried to come up with a retort, but all that came out was a moan and a shiver, making Kanda smirk a little bit.

With that, Lavi pushed in, slow, almost too slow. Hands on Kanda’s hips, his legs on either side of Lavi’s waist. The second Lavi went in, Kanda gasped and wrapped his arms around Lavi’s waist to claw at his back.

When Lavi was fully in, he waited there, waiting for Kanda to give the go ahead. It didn’t take long, after a minute or so, Kanda started squirming and groaning again, so Lavi started a rather slow pace.

“Y-Yuu, Jesus  _ Christ _ ,” Lavi said as he started, nails digging into those hips for a second time tonight, as Kanda started groaning, throwing his head back. Lavi went down for a kiss, one hand moving from Kanda’s hip to his hair, giving a quick tug, and then going back down to his cock, stroking it, making Kanda moan louder than before, though still trying to stay quiet.

Lavi hit Kanda’s prostate once, Kanda’s back arching impossibly, a loud yell escaping from his throat as he gripped the bedsheets so hard his knuckles turned white. The sight was, quite possibly, the hottest thing Lavi had ever seen, fueling his thrusts to become more erratic, quicker.

“L-Lavi, holy  _ fuck _ , keep doing that. Ke-keep doing it, god, you’re- you--  _ ah _ \-- you’re  _ so fucking good _ Lavi,  _ please _ .” Kanda said mindlessly, moving his hands up to cling to Lavi. He didn’t register what he was saying, but it made Lavi go faster, striving to find it again, to make Yuu feel  _ good _ .

Lavi kept going faster, erratic, hitting it off and on. Each and every time he did, it ripped a beautiful moan from Yuu’s throat, beautiful yells, god, he wanted to make him  _ scream _ .

“ _Yuu_ \- Yuu, Yuu-- _Yuu,_ _fuck_ ,” Lavi yelled, they were both so close, he could feel it, one more press into Yuu’s prostate and it would be over for them both. Lavi pumped faster with his hand, biting down and sucking at Yuu’s throat as he found it, causing Kanda’s spine to shoot up, a long, drawn out, deep moan being pulled from his raw throat. His nails dug into Lavi’s back as cum splattered all over Lavi’s hand and Yuu’s stomach. Lavi came soon afterward with a yell, and immediately went down to kiss Yuu with shaking lips, pulling out, and laying down next to him.

They laid their, kissing and playing with each other’s hair, touching each other like their hands were glues on and couldn’t be removed.

After a while, they cleaned up. Kanda used Lavi’s torn shirt to clean himself, Lavi got irritated, and Kanda cited the shirt being basically useless now as a reason not to be upset about it, a statement Lavi couldn’t argue with.

They cuddled together, stark naked, natural. It was nice, sitting there, enjoying a peaceful silence, the afterglow. They almost fell asleep, when someone talked, and, surprisingly, it wasn’t Lavi.

“...When we’re sober, will you remember tonight?” Kanda asked, a hint of worry, of sadness tinting his voice and expression. God, such a beautiful person didn’t deserve to be sad. And yet… Lavi smiled wryly.

“I’m a Bookman, I couldn’t forget even if I wanted to.”

And, for better or for worse, that was the absolute truth.

**Author's Note:**

> i stayed up until 6 am writing this


End file.
